Is it depression?appx
Here’s the thing about depression: it doesn’t show up neat and pretty and labeled “I’m depressed” so you know what’s going on. No. It creeps in slowly.
First you notice not feeling very motivated. You might even give yourself a break. Then you go try to get back to work and you wonder, why bother? No one cares, is the thought that plays over and over in your head.
But then you kick yourself, Why can’t I get this done?
Your motivation has hidden itself away. And when did it leave anyhow?
You find yourself comparing yourself to others. Not favorably.
Everything you see seems to point out how crappy you are and how incredible everyone else is. Even that person who is brand new to this. Or has less credentials. Or is younger, older, prettier, less attractive.
Your mind seems slow and sluggish and you wonder if you’re losing it.
Shit, you don’t care anymore.
Except you do.
Maybe you find yourself eating too much. Or not caring about food.
Sleep might be all you do. Or something that never occurs to you.
Depression’s job is to rob you of joy. Of interest. Of motivation.
Like its cousin, Fear, it’s job is to paralyse you.
Sometimes depression comes after a traumatic event, or after a horrible experience. Sometimes it’s biological. But it really doesn’t matter because it feels worse than bad. And because you don’t have a bandage or a limp or a big fat scar, people may not get it.
You can feel isolated and alone. You might even feel it physically.
If you resonate with any of this, know having depression doesn’t mean it will defeat you.
*Make yourself move everyday, no matter how much you don’t want to, move. It is the number one thing proven to be helpful.
*Get support. Don’t suffer in silence. Let your trusted loved ones know. If you know a morning text would help, tell them. Don’t make people read your mind (because they can’t).
*Talk to someone, a friend, a therapist, a coach, someone who gets it and with whom you don’t feel judged. Someone who will help you not judge yourself.
*Medication can be helpful in some cases. It’s not for everyone but if you feel like every day moves you closer to living in the basement, it might be time to talk to a doctor.
Depression doesn’t have to end your dreams. It might sidetrack them for a while but you can get yourself back on track if you believe you can do it. I believe in you.